


Erik vs. The Cat (Scenes from an Impending Surrender Remix)

by IreneADonovan



Series: Remixes 2018 [8]
Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canon Disabled Character, Cats, Charles Xavier has a Ph.D in Adorable, Charles in a Wheelchair, Erik Lehnsherr is not a Happy Bunny, Even The Cat Thinks Charles Is Cuddly, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Put-Upon Erik
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 05:37:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15284841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IreneADonovan/pseuds/IreneADonovan
Summary: Charles wants a cat. Erik does not. But... What Charles Wants, Charles GetsTM...





	Erik vs. The Cat (Scenes from an Impending Surrender Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lamia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lamia/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Scenes from an Impending Surrender](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5266103) by [Lamia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lamia/pseuds/Lamia). 
  * In response to a prompt by [Lamia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lamia/pseuds/Lamia) in the [xmen_remix_madness2018](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/xmen_remix_madness2018) collection. 



Erik was not a cat person. His love, Charles, however, was. And Erik could deny Charles nothing.

So it was that they ended up with a cat. Not just any cat, either. A big ginger-and-white tomcat named Copurrnicus. Copurrnicus, for god's sake.

He stayed close to Charles at first, knowing by whom he was wanted. He came to regard Charles' lap as his own personal rolling napping spot. Lucky cat – Erik was rather fond of Charles' lap himself.

The only time he paid any attention to Erik was in the mornings, as he and Charles were starting to wake. The cat's internal alarm was set earlier than their actual alarm, he expected food in his dish at seven am sharp, and he would sit on Erik's head to ensure this. Charles found this funny, until Erik calmly removed the cat from his head and deposited it on Charles'.

And every time Charles made a cup of tea, the cat now expected him to share some milk. Charles being Charles, he cheerfully indulged the cat. Charles also being Charles, sometimes he'd get absentminded and forget. The cat would then park himself on the kitchen table and wait for someone – read: Erik – to fetch more.

The cat was a goddamned nuisance.

He remained aloof, disdainful, for a few weeks, then he decided to start killing Erik with kindness.

Like every morning when Erik tried to read the newspaper. The damned cat would climb in his lap, get between him and the newspaper, and knead Erik's thigh and purr until Erik shoved him away. Charles would laugh, and the cat would move to his lap and curl up.

Erik was starting to dread opening the door to let the cat back in. The cat had taken to gifting him with all sorts of “toys.” A bit of muddy string. Dead leaves. Assorted bugs. Three mice – rather, one mouse, three times. Several small dead birds. A twig. And most recently, a pigeon. Erik had tried making Charles deal with the 'gifts,' but the man had pouted and threatened to withhold sex, so that wasn't happening.

And if that wasn't enough, the infernal creature was getting jealous. It had decided it wasn't going to share Charles' lap anymore. Every time Erik would get close to Charles, the cat would snarl and hiss and try to keep them separated. Erik actually found this a little funny, so he'd just remove the creature from Charles' lap and tell it, “Back off. I have seniority.”

At least it wasn't trying to kiss Charles. There were some lines a cat just shouldn't cross.

And evidently the cat agreed. One morning, a still-mostly-asleep Charles rolled over to kiss Erik but kissed the cat instead. The cat had reacted indignantly, folding back its ears and hissing, the sound resembling remarkably the word “fuck.”

This time it was Erik who had to laugh. “Why, Charles, I do believe you've taught our cat to swear.”

“Fuck off, Erik.”

“Exactly.”

**Author's Note:**

> Most of Copurrnicus' actions are drawn from memories of my dad's ornery cat, Titania (Bitch Queen of the Universe). Erik's line, "Back off. I have seniority," I swiped from my mom. And the kissing and swearing bit involved a friend of mine (the same one who blew my teenaged mind by introducing me to slash)...


End file.
